The Introvert’s Guide To Networking

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The Introvert’s Guide To Networking

The Introvert’s Guide To Networking

So last week I kind of had my mind blown. And it’s because I went to an event and I learned more there about networking that I’ve learned in my entire life previous to that event and what was really weird is that I learned it from an introvert. So I’d always expected that extroverts like myself would have an easier time networking because we’re more comfortable in groups — more comfortable talking for long periods of time to strangers — but quite frankly, this guy blew me out of the water. His network far exceeded mine. It felt like almost every time that I mention something I was interested in, he’s like, “Oh, yeah. I know someone who could do that. I can introduce you to them,” and then after the event, he did. So I wanted to share with you why and how he was able to build this network and what you can do because quite frankly, I’ve been doing it wrong for a long time and I think you might too. By the way, his name is Evan Carmichael. We’re at a YouTube conference— he’s got his own channel that helps to inspire entrepreneurs so if you haven’t seen it yet, you can check it out below and of course I’ll link to it at the end of this video but first off, you have to redefine what networking means to you because so many of us, myself included, learn about networking, first, in college. And we go to these career days and we wear these oversize suits, we bring our resumes, hand them out like candy, receive business cards go home and type the same generic email, and then nothing comes of it. And then we get our careers, we go to networking events, and same sort of thing — hand out a bunch of business cards, talk about nothing, and nothing comes of it. And we learn to hate networking but the truth is this is not networking, right? If you’re going to an event that has Networking in the title, it’s one of the worst places to be because it’s full of people who want to show up, make one quick contact, and get a job and then never talk to you again — they’re not interested in relationships. if you go to different events — events that have something else going on like conferences, leadership, programs, sometimes trade shows, or even, recreational basketball leagues, your gym — if you are just thinking about the world in terms of people and relationships and where you’re bumping into them, that is going to help you so much more with understanding your network because the truth is at these events where there’s something else going on, you’re more likely to form a genuine relationship and that is where the magic can actually occur so that’s the first thing — stop going to networking events, start going to things where there’s something else going on but you still have an opportunity to meet people. The second thing is once you find yourself at these events, say that you do go to a leadership program or a conference, you want to make it easy for people to start conversation with you. And one of the things that Evan did was he wore his company shirt that says Evan Carmichael Believed and he wore it every single day for three days — I’m assuming he had more than one shirt — but after a while, that got people curious and whether or not they’ve seen his channel, I saw and he said that people would come up and ask him, “what is this all about?” So you might not have a YouTube channel and you might not have a company slogan but there’s still things that you can do to draw people to you. There was one guy at the conference who had a really cool beard and people went up to him and asked him about the beard. Evan and I actually started, when we were speaking, one of the first things I said to him was about his Vibram FiveFingers — I was curious if he liked them. So if you wear something different or if you have a t-shirt that you know people always comment on whether they like it or it’s got an interesting saying, wear that to this event because that’s going to make it easy for people to come up to you. Now, maybe you don’t have this or maybe not everyone you want is immediately going to speak to you so you do, even if you’re an introvert, have to be prepared to introduce yourself on occasion and the easiest way to do this when you’re at one of these events is just to say, “What brings you here?” because you have right in the conversation where you want to be which brings me to the third point. This is somewhere that introverts are going to crush extroverts — I’ve been doing it wrong for a long time. And it’s you want to get people — one, talking about themselves and, better, talking about what they really want. So ask them questions like, “What brings you here? What do you hope to get out of this or what cool stuff are you working on right now?” If you can do that, you’re going to find out the most important thing which is, “What do they want?” We did a video on Tyrion Lannister — this is a killer question to ask other people. And I watched Evan do it. We were at a panel and had two TV producers in the front and all of us YouTubers in the back. And I paid attention that in every question coming, including the one for myself, was basically, “How do I get a TV show? Tell me what steps I need to take to land a TV show with whatever network I want to work with,” and Evan instead walked up to these guys at the end and said, “So I know you guys have a smaller production company. What sort of things, specifically, are you guys looking for?” and they said, “Well, we’re looking for really niche things, people who are the top of a small niche.” Evan said, “Hmm. Have you guys talked to Eric, the guy with the big beard? because he’s like the dude in the beard world, right?” If you want to do a show on beards, he might be the guy who could do it or at least some sort of culture around that. So these guys said, “Thanks,” Evan brokered the introduction, and I stood there and asked, “Evan, why didn’t you talk about yourself?” and he said, “I’m not interested in a TV show. I’ve been offered this in the past. I just wanted to come hang out.” And this blew my mind because so many of us are only walking around looking for what can I get out of this interaction especially when we talk to powerful people which brings me to the fourth point which is — you’ve got to play matchmaker. So many of us in our lives, when we talk to people who have jobs, we’re interviewing or we’re talking to a headhunter in our industry or a friend that’s going on a cool vacation, we’re not thinking, “Who can I pair you with that can make this good for you?” we’re thinking, “Do you have a job to offer me? Am I going to that vacation spot and is this interesting to me?” Instead of, “Who might you be able to hire that I know?” or, “Who do I know that’s already been to Europe that could give you cool tips?” So in your life, this sounds so simple. I’m guilty of not doing it nearly enough and I’m betting that you’re probably not either. You need to actively play matchmaker because so many of us go through the world only thinking about people who can immediately connect to us — we’re like puzzles where we’re a simple puzzle piece and we only want the pieces that snap right into us. But what Evan does is he connects other puzzle pieces, he connects a piece over here, a piece over here, and his network, his puzzle, is so much larger than ours because we’re only building from one small point — and I say ours, maybe you’re better than me — but I’ll speak personally. This is what I have done in the past. So right now, what I want to do is give you two things that you can immediately do to help actually create a stronger better network and to help other people. First off, go to, pick a leadership program, come to VidCon — I’m going to VidCon, if you want to hang out — pick an event that you’re going to get a chance to meet people that have a similar interest but is not just a peer networking event and there’s something else going on. Second, go through and make a list of people in your life — this should take five minutes — write down maybe 20 people, pick friends, family, teachers that you have, bosses that you have, clients that you’ve sold to — right about 20 to 25 names. In the second column, write down what these people want and if you take five minutes to do this, you’ll find two things, probably — one, you don’t always know what all the people around you want which is kind of embarrassing especially for someone who teaches this stuff to go, “Man, I haven’t paid close enough attention,” or “I haven’t asked the right questions.” But two, to there’s some obvious connections there that you might not have made and if you can send out an email or a text today to put those people in touch, they are going to feel, one, appreciative that you’re going to better their life but also likely feel compelled to help you in return maybe today or maybe in the future but it’s incredible how this stuff comes back to you. So, just to reiterate — one, redefine your networking philosophy. If it has Networking in the title, it’s probably not good. You’re networking every single day — it’s just the relationships that you make. Second, make it easy for people to speak to you, wear something that stands out and in worst case scenario, say “What brings you here?” Third, get them talking about what they want. This is where the introverts are going to shine because you just sit back, ask questions, and listen. And then fourth, play matchmaker. Find out where these puzzle pieces that connect actually are, put them in touch with that person, and pretty much just wait for the fireworks to happen because I found myself wanting to go out of my way to help Evan after this without him even asking. This video is part of that but I’ve also put him in touch with people that might be able to help him. So, I hope that you guys have enjoyed this video. If you liked it, make sure to subscribe to the channel — you can click right here. If you want to see Evan’s channel, I’ll put that right over here or another video related to first impressions on our channel and put that right here. I hope that you enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.

100 thoughts on The Introvert’s Guide To Networking

  1. More of this, pleeease. 😉 And why is it almost impossible to connect with other people in the YouTube comments section? I don't get it. Besides the fact that I'm an asshole, of course. LOL

  2. I'm going to a huge conference for women in tech this upcoming week and these tips are incredible! Thank you, and i'll definitely exercise them.

  3. This video changed my life! Dude, THANK you for this info! I’m not feeling as nervous for an event tomorrow (I’m an introvert)


  4. I've always had the mindset, that being nice to people, helping them out and being confidently yourself gets you much further than just being one of the people who think just "how can I benefit myself by talking to other people". Don't think of other people just as some ladder to success, treat them as human beings and show that you are genuinely interested what is going on in their lives. So, this video helped me confirm that I should keep this mindset

  5. Glad that you're highlighting us. The world is set up to portray introverts as creepy,stuck up, or weird. We are powerful forces as well. You don't have to be an extrovert to thrive.

  6. Thanks Charly,
    Your videos are always instructive. You have a great personality. Keep uploading more great videos.

  7. This is such a straight value talk. Thanks!

    Question: How does a fresh graduate network with somebody very senior?
    So i just graduated and am looking for a job. There is this very senior executive I saw on LinkedIn. I don't want to look selfish 😐 How can I offer them value before asking if thry have any job openings/internships?

  8. This is 100% true, my Krav Maga teacher by day is an Aerospace engineer who's having a difficult time finding mechanical engineers to hire. GUESS WHAT MY MAJOR IS? 😀

  9. Any advice on becoming more extroverted? I consider myself an extrovert trapped in an introverts body and actually like interacting with people but find it very anxiety producing and draining. How do you stop GIVING a shit?

  10. Twenty people? I maybe have three people, two of which are in a different country and don't have any contacts in my country at all. The third wants to help me, but she doesn't have any contacts that would work (and she's looked into it).

    Never understood why people always assume you have a long list of contacts. Maybe you do if you've lived in the same place your whole life, but when you've moved five times in the last ten years (including to a new country) and been unsuccessfully looking for work — which means no work contacts — you don't have a network.

  11. Just the thought of doing this terrifies me. My palms are wet, my heart is racing and my head is saying, "Oh hell to the NO!" But I have an assignement for class so I will go outside my comfort zone.

  12. Sorry, silly question: what is the point of networking and helping others? Weird question right? but don't we already have enough to sort out in our everyday life than bettering other people's lives (and not enough time for our busy agendas)? It would be great if somebody could help me with this puzzle!! Thanks

  13. Great video! I am an introvert at other meetings, but an extrovert at my meetings when I am speaking. Almost all the money I have made has been from networking, so it works! I spend almost nothing on marketing. @DavidOldenburg1 on IG and FB … my niche is real estate investing, flipping, wholesaling, and marketing.

  14. Wow… this has been eye opening for me. For the past years, networking has become so much more important for me, and I always saw all they really outgoing extroverts around me doing it, and I knew, I can never do it like that. So my assumption was, I will never be good at networking, because I am not good at advertising myself. And those huge networking events always seemed so overwhelming to me.

    But your explanation has made such a difference, because the way you explain it, it sounds like this is right up my alley. In fact, I intuitively do that in my everyday life. When somebody tells me something, setting them up with someone I know who might be able to help if I can’t. It seems I had a completely wrong idea about what networking really means, and maybe I should give it another try and just be myself—and not try to imitate all those outgoing extroverts, which makes me just come across as awkward and stupid. 😉

  15. But how can I network with people in order to find a job? There are tons of powerful alumni in my field who can help me I just don't know how to get them to help me or how to go about getting in contact with them without their first impression of me being "oh great, another punk graduate who wants to piggyback off of my success…"

  16. What a fantastic video with some really great advice! I subscribe to your channel and I'll share this video on my motivational group. Have an awesome day!

  17. As an introvert this is all my base thoughts and actions but this video shows how to utilise it.
    Great job thank you!

  18. Mindblowing!! I like how you can see the subtle stuff going on beneath different scenarios and people!

    Some notes while watching:
    1. Networking philosophy: about building relationships, but not just about talking.
    2. Have something that attracts attention. Or “What brings u here”
    3. Get them talk about what they want
    4. Be a Matchmaker. Make a list of 20 ppl and write down what they want.

  19. This is so good, but as an introvert I have been doing this for a long time, but it seems like it doesnt work when I do all this even if it came naturally.

  20. There’s an event coming up in my city , I’m going with someone to sell my products but I’m having anxiety about it

  21. I wear a neat AFRO that is ALWAYS my attention getter😃 I have to use it to my advantage 🤨and not just say thank you thanks kind, when people say they really like my hair

  22. Fantastically honest and open film, thanks for sharing. The mindset is key and thinking more altruistically – 'How can I help you?' – is core to that. Networking isn't about selling, it's about connecting people.

  23. Fantastically honest and open film, thanks for sharing. The mindset is key and thinking more altruistically – 'How can I help you?' – is core to that. Networking isn't about selling, it's about connecting people.

  24. Fantastically honest and open film, thanks for sharing. The mindset is key and thinking more altruistically – 'How can I help you?' – is core to that. Networking isn't about selling, it's about connecting people.

  25. Great tips. A networking event is a great opportunity to present yourself and make new connections.

  26. I'm always the shy guy in the corner. I thought that is was the people in my home country and the language. So, I changed country and language. However, I got the same results.

    I really don't know what to do. It feels horrible. 😞

  27. 1. Redefine your networking philosphy
    2. Make it easy for people to speak to you .
    3. Get them talking about what they want.
    4. Play matchmaker.

  28. I disagree with 'play matchmaker' – I took this advice and used it many times. Biggest lesson in life: people will take take take. I've never gotten anything from a networking event and I will never make the mistake again of doing favours for people at these events..

  29. My problem isn't meeting people and making connections, it is following up, or having any desire at all to communicate with those networks after the fact. How can I stop hiding from the people I know?

  30. I'm going to really big conference next month. As an introvert myself, I'm scared that I'm just going to bore people to death when I try to start a conversation with them. Thanks for the tips!

  31. This dude's got a cartoon smile

    Also being nice is the easiest way to get what you want, if people trust you or you've been nice to them in a genuine manner then they're more likely to want to pay you back for helping them, they'll wanna stick around you because you're a positive presence in their life. Not forgettably polite and not forcefully aggressively nice. Just remove yourself from the situation for a moment, help someone out and make sure that they remember you.

  32. I'm a nice person but just not a people person meeting different people drains me I prefer to stay to myself.. like I always say less people you chill with less bs you deal with

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