My Mom’s Cruel and Unusual Punishments

Articles, Blog

My Mom’s Cruel and Unusual Punishments

My Mom’s Cruel and Unusual Punishments


[Lawyer] Mr. James, on Saturday morning at 10:03 a.m, you were observed coloring a picture of a dinosaur. Is that true? [Young James] *Loud* YEAH. Can we go to wecess? [Lawyer] Even though your mom had repeatedly asked you to clean up your toys, you disobeyed her and colored anyway? [Young James] Uh… I pwead the fifff. Your Honor, I have no further questions. [Mommy] James, I hereby sentence you to 15 minutes in the timeout corner. -S M A C C- I’M NOT GOING BACK TO TIMEOUT! I’m no scientist… (I’m a Youtuber) …but I think moms play a very important role in society. Without moms, who would drive us to soccer practice? Who else would tell us that it’s not OK to eat cupcakes for breakfast? And who else would point at construction workers and say, “That’s why you need to get a college education, James.” O O F Oh, and I guess they also give birth to you and take care of you, But like…PFFFFFFFFFBBBBBT! Anyone could do that! Now before I talk about how I was raised… I just want to give out this disclaimer, that my mom is a great mom. She loves me…at least, she used to…(All around me are familiar faces :o) If you asked me when I was fifteen if my mom was a good mom… …15-year-old me would have said… “No.” Okay, but like, when I was little, I’d be talking with my friends… …and we would be talking about our parents, and they would say stuff like… Friend #1: “Yeah, my mom lets me stay up ’til midnight, and she lets me play really graphic and vulgar video games.” Edge friend : “Yeah, my mom doesn’t care if I wear clothes with skulls on them… “…AND she lets me eat an entire tub of ice cream for dinner.”: ” Another friend: My mom lets me play with knives!” And I used to think that their moms were SO much cooler for letting my friends have THAT much fun. But now, as an adult, I realize the sad truth… …that these kids’ moms weren’t cooler… …they just cared about them less. I’m not saying every mom out there is perfect… …but a mom who takes the time to make a responsible member of society… …is pretty high up on the “Good Mom List.” Anyways… …I love you mom, and now I’ll immortalize and monetize some of that love… When I was younger and still in need of adult supervision… …my mom would take me and my twin sister out to run errands with her. And, as you would expect, we were rowdy and wanted to do our own thing. But my mom was prepared for this. She would bring two plastic baggies filled with ten M&Ms and every time my sister or I misbehaved, She Would eat an M&M right in front of us, and she made sure we saw her eat our M&Ms. She didn’t give us a warning, either! If we did anything remotely bad, she would say… [Mom] “Hey! HEY! *snap, snap* Look at me!” *nom* [Massive Gasp!] And I think that parenting technique is the psychological reason that M&Ms are my favorite candy bar. *sobbing* I’m a good boy, I’m A gUd boI… [Incoherent mumbling and crying] Something me and my sister really liked doing… …was hiding in those circular racks of clothes that they have set up in department stores. Being in the middle of one of those racks is such a surreal experience. I totally recommend it. But my mom didn’t like it when we had fun… …so she had to reach her arm in and try and grab us. [Employee] “Do you need any help?” [James’ Mom] “Oh, no, I’m just trying to get something in the back. “There’s a really nice belt that would be great for spanking my miSBEHAVING CHILDREN!” I was spanked as a kid…Nothing TOO bad. I Probably derserved it anyway. I don’t remember any specific action… I did That earned a spanking,but I do remember outrunning my mom a lot. Another thing my mom did when I was very little… …was sometimes when she was washing her hands… …she would turn to me and go “Achoo!” and flick water in my face. It really bothered me, but I never spoke out about it. And one day, I just couldn’t handle it anymore…and I started Crying *James’ Silent crying* [James’ Mom] “Why are you crying?” But I was too sad to articulate how I was really feeling. *Incoherent Mumbling and Crying* u flick wata my fsce achoo! *More crying* If you asked her about this today… …she’ll say that she doesn’t remember doing that sneeze gag ever, but I remember it… …vividly. So to get back at her… …I put a rubber band around the Dish Sprayer, so when you turn on the sink …it would spray water at you. Come to think of it, I do remember one reason I was spanked…Every time one of my siblings insulted another sibling or told them to shut up…we would have to pay them 50 cents.This resulted in a really weird dynamic when it came to insults.We Would get excited when someone called us a name. [Lil’ James] “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM, LUKE CALLED ME A BUTTHOLE!” [James’ Mom] “That’s 50 cents!” [Lil’ James] “WOOOOOOO! I’M RICH!!” But sometimes, us kids would just be messing around with each other…and we didn’t really mean the insults, so we would feel bad taking someone else’s 50 Cents. Like someone would say… [Faith] “Hey, James, what’s 6 + 6?” And I would say, “Uhh…9, idiot!” And my mom would hear me and say, “James, that’s 50 cents!” And my sister would feel bad, so she would insult me back and say… [Faith] “James, y-y-you’re an unpleasant person!” “Aw…:’)” Swear words cost ya $5.00. That’s why I don’t swear in videos. But now I can afford it… So… F*ck you, Mom! You piece of -*BeEpInG iNtEnSiFiEs* My mom never washed our mouths out with soap – she wasn’t THAT kind of person…but she did threaten to if we swore. And one time after I said a pretty naughty word… P E N I S …she said, “If you don’t behave, I’m gonna get the soap!” And I said, “I don’t care soap tastes good!” [James’ Mom] “All right, you big dingus shove this in your mouth. You won’t do it. No balls.” So I bit into it, and immediately regretted it.*he ded* Now people are eating soap for views. So I guess we never grow up. Did anyone else’s parents put a password on the family computer? Because my parents did, and I didn’t know we were the only family that did that. We had a rule in the house that we were only allowed to be on the family computer for however long we read a book for. But luckily, I Would just read a book for 15 minutes, get my mom to type in the password… and then she would just forget that I was on the computer and let me stay on for hours. And I played a LOT of Neopets and Runescape. Also, I wasn’t allowed to have a TV or a computer in my room, because then I would have easy access to… inappropriate… animes. When I was little, cell phones WERE a thing, but my mom didn’t let me have one… …so I had to talk to all my friends over a landline. I hope I don’t have to explain what that is ’cause that would make me feel really old… …and I’m supposed to be in the prime of my life. But basically, it meant if I was upstairs in my room talking to a friend… …my mom could grab a phone downstairs in the kitchen… and just join in our conversation completely uninvited. Didn’t matter who I was talking to, I’d be having a conversation like this… [James] *Sigh* I think the reason I internalize and hide away all my problems is because of how invasive my mom is in my personal life…” [James’ Mom] “James, get off the phone and do the dishes.” [James] “MOOOM, I’M ON THE PHONE!” [James’ Mom] “WOW, I can’t believe you said that to the person who GAVE BIRTH to you!” “…So, what are you two losers talking about?” Luckily, I would almost never be talking to a girl! So at least… …that didn’t happen. This other time my mom was giving me and my sister a ride to school, and on the radio… …she was listening to the WORST sub-genre of rock music… Christian rock. *Whispering* (Just kidding you can like whatever you want) Anyway, we were pulling up to the school… …and I told my mom to turn the music down. [James’ Mom] “What?! Why?” [Preteen James] “Because I don’t want people to think I listen to this, MOM…!” You see, I was in junior high so I cared a lot about what other people cared about… …so she turned the music down, but as we stepped out of the car… …she turned the volume all the way back up and blasted the music for everyone to hear! *Scream “singing”* “JESUS TAKE THE WHEEEEEEEEL! TAKE IT FROM MY HAAAAAAANDS!” Looking back at the situation… …I think that’s pretty hilarious. gg Mom. These aren’t ALL the times my mom embarrassed me… …but those are all the ones I’m gonna include in this video. I didn’t even mention the time when I was four when my twin sister wanted to do ballet lessons, but she didn’t want to them alone… …so my mom signed me up for lessons, too. But that’s a story for another video, and that video will be titled, “Top 10 Reasons im G A Y That was…that was a joke, mom. Love you, mom! You made me like this! And there you have it, everyone; that was my mom. Again, I just want to say that despite whatever I say in my videos, that my mom is a great mom. I wouldn’t be here without my mom. She also reads all my scripts, so all of my videos are James’ mom approved. …Okay, well, I shouldn’t say that, she does tell me to take out a lot of jokes, and I’m like “No, no! But they’re funny!” And also, speaking of my mom, my mom’s birthday is coming up. So, happy early birthday, Mom! And if you guys wanted to wish her a happy birthday, that’d be cool, too. I was serious when I said these aren’t all the times my mom embarrassed me. I definitely have enough material to make a part two. Again… …I love you, Mom. Thanks for not being one of those moms that are like, “No! you’re not allowed to be an artist! “You have to finish college and be a doctore! EeEh!”(hi waluigi) In other news, if you can’t get enough Odd1sOut videos… …then you should check out TheOdd2sOut! A couple days ago, I posted a video where I answer riddles, so that was a lot of fun. Also, thank you to my four colorers… …who helped color this video. You guys should all check them out. And if there’s anything you should take away from this video, is that you should always… …call your mom and wear your seatbelt. Translations written by Thedearpyshrimp

100 thoughts on My Mom’s Cruel and Unusual Punishments

  1. My mom never spanked me really (my abusive stepfather did, but that's another story), but what she did do was threaten to take me to Judge Judy whenever I misbehaved and I quickly backtracked. I was terrified of Judge Judy as a kid, so much so that I literally had nightmares about her yelling at me in her courtroom.

    So whenever I acted out, my mom would be like, "Do you want me to take you to see Judge Judy?!"

    And I would start crying and shout, "NOOOO, MOMMY PLEASE!!!!"

  2. I didn't know what "I plead the 5th" until my class was discussing the Bill of Rights in History Class today. (The joke was worth the wait.)

  3. I said my mom was a good mum because she lets me stay up late and eat lot of candy she said that’s not being a good mum

  4. whenever girls at my school get in a fight we have this thing called DUDE COURT its when all the boys go in a room with the girls that are fighting and randomly say somebody is guilty after the decide whoever is guilty pays 50 cents , got my first session tomorrow. :/

  5. My mom did that to me to 6:39 XD😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😑I got mad and slammed the door being embarrassed

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *