15 Useless Pet Toys & Products

Articles, Blog

15 Useless Pet Toys & Products

15 Useless Pet Toys & Products


• From designer clothing for your pets to
religious ceremonies intended to convert your dog to a certain faith we count 15 toys, items
and services bought for pets that defy logic and intelligence
15 – Babble Ball, • This is a toy you give your dog that,
when played with or even touched slightly, will shriek with barnyard animal noises without
end • So, you’ve willingly given your dog a
thing that he can annoy you with for hours on end, a ball that will ring at 2am with
oinks from a pig throughout your entire house • This is a great toy if you don’t like
being asleep – ever 14 – Neuticles,
• So, you’ve had your dog neutered and now he’s feeling all depressed because he doesn’t
have pelvic dice to swing round anymore • Well the solution is here – fake testicles
inserted into the dogs wound that supposedly boost their self-esteem and will stop other
dogs from laughing at him while on walks • In fact, you can put the dog to sleep
and replace its testicles without it ever knowing a thing, apart from the excruciating
pain and rigid unnatural surface of the interior – it’s a mild giveaway
13 – Wearable Dog House, • The market for this one is huge, tens
of millions of dog owners who don’t have a home themselves but still want their dog to
be comfortable • The house straps around your shoulders
and torso and clips on a Batman utility belt, allowing you to walk through the streets confident
you don’t look like a pregnant martian carrying a giant loaf of bread baby
• Unfortunately you can’t carry around big dogs in the wearable house, but you CAN carry
a smartphone inside it so you can Skype the dog and pretend it’s with you because you’re
the sort of sane person that buys a wearable dog house
12 – Bark Mitzvah, • An off-shoot of the Jewish religious ceremony
which is of a boy becoming a man, instead, a dog becomes a Jewish dog
• Often the ceremony comes in cheap, usually a hundred dollars tops simply to make the
man’s best religious friend thing official – but some spend tens of thousands of dollars
on it, with a catering hall, food, bar and hundreds of people to watch a dog become a
dog • Any excuse for a party I guess
11 – Penthouse Dog Potty, • Alright, you have an outdoor dog but you
happen to live in a house or apartment with no backyard, garden or dirt of any description
– first off, well done picking a terrible environment for a dog
• But the solution is here: a small piece of greenery you can set outside on the patio
to emulate a real life garden, just like all them regular folks have got
• Of course, taking the dog out for a walk to do their business is not an option, oh
no, that would require valuable energy for leg movement
10 – Pet Jacuzzi, • Often you’ll find people buy jacuzzis
for their house because they have a few thousand dollars lying around
• Often you’ll find people buy pet jacuzzis because they can’t have children of their
own and this is the best way to keep up the illusion that their dog will appreciate the
finer things in life outside of licking its own pelvis
• Jentle Pet Spas are miniature jacuzzis designed to accommodate dogs with a nice relaxing
spray action, small enough to fit inside any bathroom, just don’t get inside the jacuzzi
WITH them – that’s just creepy 9 – Dog Poop Freeze,
• This product claims all you need to do is spray the fecal deposit with this freezing
agent and picking it up is so much easier • Okay, so, instead of picking up the poop,
a straight-forward task, you instead go about the lengthy process of freezing it, only to
do the thing you originally would have done but in a slightly different way
• But you can’t escape from the fact that, despite your best hopes, you’re still picking
up a dog turd – it just happens to be frozen now
• Well done 8 – Pet Web Pages,
• You know how dogs are always begging for smartphones and tablets and buckets of water
laptops? Well you might not know this, but they’ve actually organised entire websites
dedicated to K-9 society • In fact, Dogster has one section like
a dating or Facebook profile in which your pet can describe themselves in huge walls
of text, post pictures and comment on a status about how some other dog found the bone he
buried • Rumours even go around that the NSA have
employed dogs at little workstations to monitor the activity on your desktop, but this is
just speculation crazier than the idea of human beings that roleplay as dogs on the
internet 7 – Luxury Marble Pet Dining Table,
• Okay, you’re a filthy rich tycoon, you’ve bought the pet jacuzzi, the penthouse dog
potty and also your dog is now legally Jewish – what’s left? Oh, that’s right, a dining
room table so he can slurp his nutritious dog food from a marble bowl
• Assuming you have a spare 250 dollars lying around, you too can equip your hound
with the best in fine dining – in fact, why stop there, leave solid gold mouse traps and
a cats ball of string woven from the fabric of an endangered species
• I just hope your dog is tall enough to reach the bowls, or you’ll need to buy separate
dog-sized stepping ladders 6 – Pet Treadmill,
• According to official descriptions, this treadmill provides versatility in exercise,
safety from overly-bulky human equipment, muscle and stamina exercise, along with prevention
of obesity and health problems • In reality, you’re just a lazy douchebag
who can’t walk his dog and you instead force your terrified pet to run on this noisy, dark
contraption with no fresh air blowing on his face
• If you have both this and the outhouse grass potty, you may want to reconsider owning
a dog – try something easier like a pet rock 5 – Outdoor Cat Net,
• If you have the type of cat that isn’t generally allowed outdoors, you can safely
invest into this option: a net, essentially a fabric prison to give your cat the illusion
it really is outdoors and free • It’s based on those running coops for
greyhounds, except these are significantly smaller and significantly less fun, essentially
taunting your cat about how it’s so close to fun and exploration
• Surely the cat won’t hate you, after all, you spent over $10 to make it feel happy
4 – Designer Clothing for Dogs, • In some cases this actually makes sense
if it keeps the pet warm during winter, maybe a little extra thickness if you can’t afford
indoor heating • But then some people come along to dress
their pets in super fashionable clothes like pyjamas, tuxedo jackets and tiny shoes – usually
showing off the logo of the designer to let other dog owners know what’s up
• In fact, clothing designers should sell dogs wearing all this garbage right from their
very own shop – it would be the start of a whole new industry called “animal cruelty”
3 – Pet Perfume, • Speaking of animal cruelty, we have this
delightful product sold at beauty stores – not sold ironically mind you, no, this is fully
legit • We all hate the “dirty dog” smell, and
it’s notoriously hard to get rid of, but if you think about it, humans found the solution
in deodorants and perfume, so why can’t the same be true for dogs?
• Apparently this perfume of bergamot and vanilla-infused musk is the key, the golden
solution • Or you could just, y’know, wash the dog
– I’ve heard that works too 2 – Ball Launcher,
• Have you ever been so weak that you can barely even lift a round, hollow ball – let
alone throw it a reasonably short distance? • Well the Chuckit Ball Launcher is here
to fix all that, by gripping the end of the stick, you can cup the ball on the other end
and hurl it into the sunset – almost as if you really had arms
• This is the perfect product for 100 year old women and unborn infants
1 – Pet Food Deliveries • A lot of dog owners out there will tell
you, buy the right high-quality dog food and it’ll have a nice, healthy life – some other,
less mentally-stable dog owners will tell you, have a chef prepare your dogs meal and
deliver it to your house everyday • And so some services like zenchienpets.com
will do just that, provide a huge, unnecessary selection of gourmet cuisines for your dog
who can’t tell the difference between a roast steak and one of your old socks
• If you’ve done all the other things on this list, you might aswell fork out the money
for all these meal deliveries – you’re basically the dogs slave at that point

100 thoughts on 15 Useless Pet Toys & Products

  1. the chuck it thows the ball like 4 times as far which does come in handy when all your dog wants to do is play ball

  2. #2 is actually very useful cause when you play fetch the ball usually gets slobbery and dirty, who wants to touch that? I've used it and it's a life saver!

  3. My were strays (after their owners threw them out) so we can just let them outside and then they come back like an hour later

  4. Ok well that ball launcher can launch balls like 5x as far as normal which is very useful if your dog can run a baseball diamond in under 10 seconds like mine can, so actually, the ball launchers are pretty useful

  5. Dog treadmill? What if the dog slows down or stops walking? Dog catapult! I'm not taking any chances – I'm walking my dog like a normal person!
    Also the poop freeze can be helpful if the poop is, well, not fully solid.

  6. a Bark Mitzvah… a frigging BARK MITZVAH?¡ whow i…i'm not even jew and i felt that dumb just crashing through my window

  7. I had a ball launcher and ti be fair it makes the ball go further than your throw alone instead of u dog running like 2 cm to catch a ball

  8. Some of these are worthwhile. Like most have said, the Chuck It is good for many reasons (like having a hyper active dog and not throwing your shoulder out completely because fuck having rotator cuffs. Dog clothes are fine for cold, like you said, but also help prevent itching, cover bandages for wounds, and keep hairless breeds from sunburn/cancer. Of course they can also be a great way to make your dog hate you….and isn't that fun. The treadmill is used most often for dogs who have health problems such as allergies, arthritis, or are extremely obese who might not be able to handle outdoor situations. I mean, why not carry a 200lb mastiff of dead weight after walking a few blocks. Do I even lift? Not that way, I'm good thanks. The treadmills are also good for dogs who are way hyper active when you don't want your heart to explode after running 50 freaking miles or if you live in a place that never stops raining, I'm calling it on you Seattle, it can be handy. Of course if you don't want to buy pet parfume for your dog after the deluge of water, you could always buy your dog a set of rainboots, rainhat, and raincoat. Let the wet look go wild. Last is the potty patch of grass. Great for people who are old, have health problems, or have one of those little damn monsters that take 3 bloody years to train to not use your house as their personal fucking litter box. Of course it can work for old dogs too and that jack as who comes over on American football Sunday to drink too much beer and be unable to find a bathroom but somehow can find the sink, a corner, or a random plant because…..call of nature.

    What it comes to a Barkmittzvah …… I got nothin'.
    Maybe they can make a Doggie Dredal to make it as realistic as the fake nuts they've got in their sack.

  9. A friend of mine has a dog that loves his ball being thrown as far as possible… for three hours straight. A ball thrower is a lot cheaper than a treadmill, but this is also the type of dog that would love a good treadmill, for sure. Apart from this 3 hours of ball throwing, the owner also walks the dog 2 hours a day. At that point, the dog is quite satisfied, even though it wouldn't mind more exercise.

  10. I actually would find the outside cat tent pretty useful saying I live next to a busy road and one of my cats are blind in one eye.
    So I'll have to get one now.

  11. y'know, the ball launcher could be really useful for veterans of war who've lost their hands, if they asked someone to tie the ball launcher somewhere they can use use it then the veteran can play with his dog despite the injury

  12. The dog poop freeze isn't that bad because it's really gross when you pick up dog poo and it's all squishy…… Like if you agree.

  13. I like the cat pen. means I can hang out outside with my cat without the fear of her getting onto the road and being killed by a car or a dog coming along and biting her face off! these things happened to my other cats. I've been training my cat to walk on a lead tho which is a better option

  14. hey the ball launcher is useful it can launch is about 50 meters think before​ you talk you big white bitch!

  15. Um… about the ball launcher. My daddy can't bend down to pick up balls when playing fetch with our dogs so he used one. It's not really for weak people as much as it is for disabled people

  16. The ball launcher is a favorite for my dog! He had lots of fun destroying it instead of the various chew toys he owns.

  17. do you have a dog? because some of these things makes good sense! The grass thing makes sense for a person in an apartment even if you walk your dog multiple times a day. It will allow your dog to pee on the grass instead of on the floor if you cant leave the apartment for some reason (could be cooking). I have used clothes for my dog because its a small breed dog without "underfur" which makes it freeze in cold weather, like jackets when we go for walks. and the tennisball thrower is good because it allows you to throw way further than you normally can, plus you wont get dirt or dog drool all over your hands. (most of the others i agree they are silly)

  18. tbh Some dogs genuinely /like/ to be dressed up. My dog starts wagging and jumping around in excitement whenever she sees me pull out one of her sweaters to keep her warm in the winter or her costume for Halloween. It's not like I'm torturing her, c'mon.

  19. so this is dog products for douches? Okay then!!! And Pet Food delivery?! Are you so fucken lazy you cannot open a can or bag?!

  20. I knew someone who took care of foster dogs to prepare them for adoption. One of the dogs was severally overweight when they got him because his previous owners were idiots who knew nothing about caring for a dog. We had to go outside and had to run on a treadmill on days where it was to cold for him. He refused to play so the only way to make him happy was by slowly teaching him how to. One such way was the ball toy. He learned it was okay to fetch and play. Soon he became a healthy dog and from what I know he got a new home.
    I'm pretty sure they named him Buddy or Bruce. Since his old name was Brute. Which was a terrible name for a Boxer.

  21. Lol I already see everyone commenting on the ball launcher. I just wanna add thaat iff you dont throw it hard enough in the right way you will end up chucking it straight down. But there are mixed emotions about it so if you want to read more about people opinions on the ball launcher, just continue scrolling down, this video desc may even be better than ratings online

  22. And I thought doggie daycare was a bit excessive. I mean, at least your dog gets to socialize and play while your gone, and you don't have to worry about him destroying your house if you send him to doggie daycare. But a webpage? Really?

  23. ChuckIt's are awesome! If you have a dog that can really run, it's nice to be able to throw the ball 3 times as far.

  24. Thankfully I'm a heavy sleeper, so the Babble Ball won't bother me as much as long as my bedroom door is closed.

  25. Pretty much 99.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of this comment section is dog owners that use number 2 saying how much they like the ball thrower.

  26. anybody else lowkey irritated that he's calling some products that are incredibly useful for people w/ disabilities products for lazy people? cause some of these are actually rlly helpful for that. not all of them, but some

  27. The second last one actually can toss it farther than a hand can depending on your technique my cousin and I thought we’d test it. So there’s that.
    The ball is also saturated with droll and can be used one handed so I have to defend it there.

    The animal clothing is alright in some cases too. The designer ones aren’t great but nice accessories such as a collar with a bandana is cool

  28. The chuck it device keeps you from touching disgusting dog slobber even though I don’t mind it I still recommend it

  29. The ball thrower is actually good and is the only Good 1 as if you have a big dog like me you can throw the ball a lot further

  30. I like the smell of wet dog. And livestock. And Mud. I live in Nebraska, Okay! We are around that every other week!

  31. everyone defending the ball launcher in the comments..just bend over and pick up the damn ball and throw it!!is that so hard?lazy bastards

  32. reads title
    thinks
    Oh for Christ sake everything is useless to dolan and everyone uses those ball throwers now days

  33. The second one is actually very useful I can't name all the dog owners I know that actually own them. Because they're so damn useful.

  34. Um don't hate the Chuck it dog launcher. I have a doberman and he needs to run the extra distance that the Chuck it propels the ball. I'm talking like 50 yards!

  35. i always said that people are going insane with their pets.they are animals people.they don't need any of this shit.give them some cheap food and water so they are alive and go about your day.

  36. The babble ball is the equivalent those toys you give your kids that make noises like fake animal toys which make noise , or the fake vacuum with balls in it or those talking baby toys or talking kids toys, or nerf guns, and any noisy kids toys

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *